The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor #12

Myth #12

The Perfect Youth Pastor will make the teens visible to the church at large and get them involved with the Sunday morning worship service but will not attempt to change the culture of said church.

Over the years, I have become firmly convinced that the Church is full of insanity. If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, then the Church has its share.

I’ve been a youth pastor for a long time and there are several constants in youth ministry. For example, we can always count on there being at least one parent who punishes their teen by not allowing them to attend youth meetings. I never quite understood that one. A child gets into trouble and a parent punishes them by not allowing them to attend the one thing that may help them. As an aside…parents, please take other things away from your child when you need to punish them. How about football? Cheerleading? video games? I see little value in keeping a child home from youth meetings as a punishment only to allow them to continue to sit in front of the television playing Xbox Live. Alright, back to the topic at hand.

Constants… We can always count on there being at least one church member who has never taught a student, never attended a youth meeting and never been on a youth retreat, telling us we are doing things all wrong. These folks had their own children and feel the fact that they raised two teenagers qualifies them to evaluate and criticize everything we do with the 50 or 60 we have in our ministry.

Then there is the constant of having at least one person suggest we try an event only to find out the suggestion was noting of the sort…it was a demand.

The one thing that has remained a solid constant throughout the last several decades is the question most youth pastors have faced. “Why do we lose young people after they graduate?” Many times the solutions to that problem continue the cycle of insanity. Some of the suggestions I have heard over the years include:

If the teens learn to appreciate the way we do things, they will stick around.

If the teens stop focusing on themselves and stop expecting to be entertained, they will stay after the graduate.

If the students learn that worship isn’t about them, it’s about God, they will be here for a long time.

These would all be great suggestions if there wasn’t one huge, glaring problem – the overriding message in each of them is, “we aren’t going to change, so the students need to adopt our practices, likes and styles”.

That’s one thing that has irked me about youth ministry. Everyone wants the youth to “appreciate” the way we do things, but not too many people are willing to try and appreciate the way the youth do things. Compromise is one key to building strong, healthy relationships, but when it comes to youth, most churches expect the majority of compromise to come from the students. Without compromise on the part of the adults in church, no youth pastor – no matter how good – will be able to get his students excited about being “visible” in church.

But, that fact doesn’t stop people from believing in myth #12 – that a perfect youth pastor will get his students involved in church services while not attempting to change the culture of the church.

There is a huge disconnect between many older believers and teens. We want them to get excited about organs, hymnals and liturgies when most of them don’t even know what a liturgy is and the mere mention of  “organs” illicit embarrassment and a few giggles – especially among Junior Highers. Expecting students to get excited about some of our worship services is a lot like expecting them to get excited about Atari. They may play for a while out of shear curiosity, but the interest will quickly wane.

If a church really wants students to stick around after they graduate, they will seek to understand the students. They will encourage their people to compromise as much as they desire the students to do so.

If we want students to be “visible” in church and to get excited about serving in the service, then the service should reflect some (note I did not say “all) of their tastes and should incorporate some of what is meaningful to them.

Before I get attacked for being too “seeker sensitive” or man-centered, let me explain. Everything we do in our worship services is a reflection of culture. Traditional worship services are a reflection of cultural preferences as are Contemporary services. Even the “Emergent” church is a reflection of culture. No style of worship can claim the higher ground when it comes to being more “God-Centered” because they are all a reflection of the likes and dislikes of the people attending.

That may irk some of you, but it’s true.  Suits and ties are a reflection of culture.  Sandals and shorts are as well.  Older believers are encouraged by great hymns of the faith – hymns they grew up singing – and that is a reflection of their culture.  Many younger believers enjoy songs that reflect their young faith and the music of their surroundings.

There is nothing wrong with a church reflecting a certain culture, but if that culture is unwilling to grow and change then the church will not grow and change.  Worse still, if a church is not willing to incorporate different styles of worship and ministry then it is my opinion that the church is not fulfilling the “all nations” part of the Great Commission.

There is nothing inherently godly about a hymnal, an organ or a Baby Grand piano. There is also nothing inherently godly about a set of drums, a guitar and a video projector. There is also nothing inherently ungodly about any of the aforementioned things.

Churches, if you want students to be visible and to appreciate the way you do things, try a little reciprocation. Try to appreciate the way they do things. Try to appreciate the way they think. Incorporate some of their ideas into your church.  If you can’t appreciate those things, then take heed to Colossians 3:13 and at least “bear” with them.  If you aren’t willing to do that, then don’t complain that your youth pastor isn’t doing enough to keep the students involved in your church.

Let me be clear here – it’s okay to teach students to compromise, but we need to make sure our demand for their compromise is not motivated by a desire to simply keep doing things we like.

Additionally, don’t expect your youth pastor to get the students excited about being “visible” in church if your church refuses to see them for who they are and let them express themselves in culturally appropriate ways.