The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor #7

Myth #7

The  perfect youth pastor must be able to coordinate babysitting for all other ministries in the church.

I don’t know how many times it has happened, but each time it does, I get even more frustrated. Someone calls me in the church office and asks a question. These questions come in various forms, so I’ll list the ones I have heard.

1. The young married class is having a dinner and we need some teens to watch their children. Do you think you could set that up?

2. We’re having a couples night and need a few teens to watch the children. Could you give me a list of students who can be trusted?

3. Saturday is the annual church dinner and we need to keep the little ones busy. Would you be willing to open up the youth room, show a video and have some students down there to keep the children busy?

4. Our annual business meeting is this Sunday and we need something for the children while we have the meeting. Could you keep them busy and get a few teens to help you out?

5. We are trying to encourage our married couples to have a monthly date-night. I think it would be great if you and the teens could offer childcare so our marriages can be strengthened.

If you’re a youth pastor or director, you undoubtedly smiled an uncomfortable smile when you read those because they have happened to you.

Church members everywhere have bought into the myth that a perfect youth pastor must also be a babysitting coordinator. I guess it makes sense to many people considering a lot of Christians have the erroneous belief that a youth pastor is nothing more than a glorified babysitter anyway.

So, how do we respond to this? The way I initially reacted to those requests was to do what they asked. So, I spent time coordinating child care. It was time-consuming and frustrating, but I thought it was part of my ministry responsibility and I reasoned that the teens were learning valuable lessons about service.

After a while I started to realize this had nothing to do with service and everything to do with cheap labor. Sure, those making the request couched it with spiritual language like, “this will be a great opportunity for the teens to give back” or (the coup de gras) “a great opportunity to serve the Lord”. But, in reality it had nothing to do with serving the Lord. The teens (and me) were being used as a source of cheap child labor to do something no one else wanted to do. This holds true with other requests as well, like “we need someone to pull weeds on the church property. Could you get some teens to serve the Lord in this capacity?” That, however is another topic.

I eventually started responding differently and not so diplomatically. I started telling folks that I was not a babysitting coordinator and they were welcome to call some of the students and ask themselves.

Then I realized that this WAS a good opportunity to teach something. It was a great opportunity to teach kids – not service, but sacrifice. Jesus did plenty of things without receiving just compensation. Heck, the whole salvation thing was accomplished on his dime and with his blood.

So, what did I do? I found a student who was organized and responsible and designated her as my Childcare Coordinator. Anytime I received a call like the ones above, I directed them to this young lady. She did a great job at first, but something not-so-unexpected happened. People stopped calling her. I would give them her name and tell them to coordinate with her, but they never did.

Why didn’t they call her? Why didn’t they follow through? I can only assume it was because they were under the impression that as a youth pastor this was my job and I should be the one to make the call. This is sad, but a reality every youth pastor has to live with.

A good youth pastor is not, I repeat NOT a babysitter or a babysitting coordinator. We have many other responsibilities and the assumption by some that we should drop them all in order to find babysitters is unfair. Our ministries are our priority and no matter how hard you try, you will not convince me that finding babysitters for YOUR ministry is my responsibility.

The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor #6

As I said in my last post on this subject, that list was by no means exhaustive.  The list compiled over 12 years in full-time ministry however, is unfortunately very long.

I do not want anyone to misunderstand.  I love God’s Church.  I love His people (most of the time:)  There simply are some horribly ungodly and unbiblical expectations placed on youth pastors and pastors in general.  I write about these expectations placed on youth pastors simply because that is what I am and I’ve kind of made it my personal mission to dismantle these myths whenever I get the chance.

There’s one thing that truly troubles me about these expectations though…some of them come from Senior Pastors.  So, without further ado, I give you…

Myth #6

A perfect youth pastor needs to have events every month for the students while attending all other church-wide functions.

We’ve all been there.  We have a weekend retreat coming up.  We’re busy planning, scheduling, collecting deposits, collecting registration forms and renting vehicles.  The retreat is a huge part of our yearly calendar, but it unfortunately occurs during the same month as the church-wide marriage retreat.

So, we wisely choose to prioritize things.  First, is our families.  Second is our ministry which means we focus our attention on the youth retreat.  Falling way down on the list is the Marriage Conference.  Instead of spending two weekends away from our children that month, we choose not to attend the marriage retreat.  But, since it is a church-wide event and we are a pastor on staff our attendance is assumed and expected.  Our decision is greeted with shock and condemnation from the senior pastor and leadership board.

Why is it that the youth pastor is required to attend every blessed church event on top of every retreat, lock-in and mission trip?  I understand we are full-time staff and people expect to see us at these things, but maybe, just maybe instead of the leadership perpetuating that ridiculous expectation, they could back us up?  Maybe they could tell people the truth?

I once got heavily criticized for not attending an all-day sight-seeing trip during a missions conference.  This particular church hosted a week-long missions conference.  During that week, the senior pastor did not teach or lead anything.  He basically had to simply show up for these events that had been planned and organized by the missions pastor.  In short, the S.P. did NOTHING during this week.  I on the other hand was responsible for planning, organizing and leading the Youth Missions Conference.

This sight-seeing trip was on a Wednesday – ALL DAY.  So, I decided not to attend this event – a wise choice in my mind since Wednesday evening was our big mid-week youth meeting and I had a lot to do in preparation.  Unfortunately the S.P. and several elders did not see it as such a wise move and I got reamed out for not going.

When I have a lock-in I don’t expect the other associate pastors or the lead pastor to attend.  I understand they have a life and a family as well as their own ministries to look after.  I don’t complain when they don’t show up at a youth retreat.  I don’t expect the pastoral staff to show up because “people need to see them.”  As an aside, people really don’t “need” to see them…they just think they should.

Before I go any further, I must again say how blessed I currently am.  The other pastors on staff here actually make an effort to attend some of our youth events and that is a HUGE blessing to me.  But, while I love it, I don’t expect it.  Our lead pastor actually comes to our annual laser-tag lock-in every year (our worship pastor came one year as well) and the students love kicking his butt at a team Halo match.  There is also nothing quite as exhilarating as having the opportunity to shoot fake lasers at two pastors in one night!

Here’s the kicker – not one student or parent would bat an eyelash if they came to a lock-in and the worship pastor wasn’t there.  No one would ask me where the lead pastor was and why he wasn’t there.  Why?  Because it’s not expected of them.  So, why is that same courtesy not given to youth pastors in many churches?

The next time you are tempted to ask, “why isn’t the youth pastor here?” I want you to stop and think about that question.  Take a look at his schedule.  Take a look at the church bulletin and look at the youth events scheduled.  Consider that your youth pastor teaches on average, twice a week.  He has to prepare for those lessons.  The good ones out there actually DO prepare and put lots of prayer and thought into their lessons.  Consider that he may have  a mission trip coming up and he just may want to spend some time with his family.

Senior Pastors, the next time you want to lay into your youth pastor for not attending something, ask yourself if you would do the same to the other pastors of staff.  Consider whether you have the same expectations for them.

Youth pastors don’t have unlimited energy.  They may work with people who do, but that energy is not transferable.

On the flip side, if you are a youth pastor, make sure you return the favor.  Back your lead pastor up when you hear people put unfair expectations on him.  Back up the other pastors on staff as well.  When someone complains that the Lead Pastor isn’t at an event, defend him.  He, as well as other staff pastors do much more than most people know or even see.