Who Are You?

Most men like to think of themselves as handymen. We don’t like to call a plumber, electrician or carpenter because that would mean we don’t know what we’re doing and there aren’t too many of us who will admit that. When we moved into our house, one of the first things we did was remodel a bathroom. I knew exactly what I was doing. I had it all well in hand – that is until I removed the sink and felt warm rushing water on my feet. There wasn’t any time to figure out exactly what went wrong. I was too busy running through the house trying to locate a valve to shut off the steady stream of water flowing all over our bathroom floor and pouring into our basement. Thankfully my wife wasn’t home at the time so I could collect myself without too much public embarrassment and then plan my next move. That move was to call my grandfather in Pittsburgh.

Pap was a plumber. He had soldered pipes and snaked drains most of his life. Surely he could help me out of this mess, I thought. So, I described the problem and waited for his instruction. “Call a plumber”, he said. I didn’t listen and after eight hours and several more phone calls, I finally fixed one simple, broken pipe.

Why was this so difficult? I had everything I needed. Pipe wrench? Check. Solder? Check. Flux? Check. Soldering torch? Check. There was one problem though– I’m not a plumber. I had all the tools, just not the knowledge.

Tragically, this is exactly how many Christians live their lives. We have all the tools, but lack the knowledge to put those tools to use. We have heard that all of God’s promises are “yes” in Christ (2 Cor. 1:20). We have been told that we have ten thousand guardians in Christ (1 Cor, 4:15). We have been taught that we have power, love and a sound mind in Christ (2 Timothy 1:7). We have learned how God has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). In short, we know we have all the tools. We have all the resources available to us. But, just like having a pipe wrench doesn’t make me a plumber, having all the spiritual tools necessary doesn’t make us victorious Christians. We need something more.

Many people define themselves by what they do. As someone who they are and they might say, I’m a father, or I’m an engineer. Some may define themselves by where they live. I’m an American, they may say. While those may be accurate identifiers, they do not make up one’s identity. As believers in Christ our identity is rooted in something much deeper – something much more holy.

Colossians 3:12 says “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

Notice how God describes us. First, we are chosen people. Literally, that word means we have been selected. I realize some don’t like this idea, but the reality is God chose us before we ever chose Him. Before we get a big head though, we must understand that this choice was not made based on anything but His mercy. There was nothing special about us. There was nothing that set us apart from the rest of humanity. In fact, we were just like the rest of humanity – sinful, repulsive beings who deserved nothing but wrath. But, for some reason God saw fit to purchase us with the blood of His Son. We belong to Him now. He is our father and we are His children.

Second, we are holy. Did you catch that? We are not waiting to be holy. We are holy. We have been set apart. We are different. It is a present-tense reality. God has already set us apart for His special purpose. Like grandma’s fine china, we have a special place in the Father’s cabinet.

Finally, we are dearly loved. We are not just loved, we are dearly loved. The Greek word used here is the same word that is used in Matthew 17:5 when the Father says, this is my Son, whom I love. The Father loves us like He loves His own Son. Why is that? Because we are His children as well. The love between the members of the Trinity is the same love between the Trinity and us.

So, what does this all mean? It means we are defined by something much greater than a job or where we live in this world. Our identity is defined by God. He has called us. He has chosen us. He has made us holy. He dearly loves us. Not only did He give us tools, He certified us to use them.

This is perhaps the greatest truth in the entire Bible yet it is one that is often overlooked or brushed aside. Knowing who we are is vital to knowing what we can do. We will never know what we have or what we are capable of until we grasp the wondrous truth that our identity is rooted in how God sees us, not in how we see ourselves which is often determined by how others see and describe us. God’s reality is what matters.

Holiness

A number of years ago I was sitting in a classroom in Bible College. We were in the middle of a debate about God’s holiness and our professor had asked the question; “what is God’s primary attribute?” The discussion went on for quite a while and I did more listening than talking (those who know me may find that hard to believe, but it is true!). I had only been a believer for about three years and hadn’t really thought that deeply about God. Up until that point I had assumed that God is just God and couldn’t be broken down into categories let alone divided into primary and secondary attributes.

So, the debate went on. To tell you the truth, it was more of an argument, but good Christians don’t argue, we debate and discuss. Some read 1 John 4:8 and tried to convince us that God’s primary attribute is love. That sounded good to me. After all, I had only recently been captivated by the love of God and drawn to believe in Him and His Son by the thought of His deep and abiding affection for me. God’s love was still very fresh in my mind – like the smell of fresh air after spending a week in a cabin with 20 Junior High boys! His love was still very vivid and clear. It had yet to be clouded by years of heartache, church conflict and judgmental Christians not to mention the doubt that comes with my own personal failures.

Those on the other side of the discussion were the “holy crowd”. Holiness was God’s primary attribute, they said. They argued from Isaiah and 1 Peter and claimed that everything God did, He did out of holiness. He loved a holy love. He judged a holy judgment. Holiness was the overriding attribute and every other attribute flowed from that, they said. I kind of agreed with that side as well, but I had several problems.

The debate didn’t seem right to me. For some reason, even as a young believer, I felt that we were comparing apples to oranges. The thought of holiness as an attribute of God didn’t sit right with me. I could understand love. I could see how that was one of God’s attributes, but holiness? I couldn’t quite place my finger on why I was feeling this conflict. A feeling of uneasiness crept in and I began what would be a long journey of discovery – 15 years and counting.

I believe I figured out what the conflict was. I think I have found the source of my uneasiness and that brings me to the second problem I was having. What did holiness mean? Spend four years in a Bible College and you will hear the word holy used over and over again. Live holy lives. Be holy. Engage in holy relationships. Practice holiness. Pursue holiness. God is holy. Jesus is holy. Holy Bible. Holy ground. Holy, holy, holy. But, no one ever DEFINED holiness. It seemed as if the word holy was simply being used to make a statement or elicit a reaction – to make everyone jump up and say AMEN! But, it was used in so many different ways and always in a different context.

In the subsequent years, I have found that no one really seems to agree on exactly what holiness means. Maybe I am imagining this, but I sense some tension when holiness is discussed and I think it comes from the confusion. No one defines holiness the same. Some say it means pure. Others say it means perfect. There are those who say it means sinless. Still others suggest that holiness can’t be tied down to one definition. It is too big to define, they say – like holiness is some ethereal, other-worldly concept that we can’t quite grasp or comprehend.

In my personal opinion, I think all of those definitions are wrong. I don’t mean to sound arrogant, but I believe we have misused holiness in our theology and in our teaching. For the most part, I think this misuse has been unintentional. I am sure there are some who use God’s holiness and His desire for us to be so as a means to control others and beat them over the head, but I think those cases are the minority. I do think the consequences of misusing holiness, whether intentionally or not are far-reaching and damaging.

What I am going to suggest may seem strange to some. It may even seem heretical to others. So, get your stones ready, but please do me one favor – listen before you throw. I want to suggest that holiness isn’t an attribute of God at all. I don’t believe it belongs in the same category as God’s love or eternality or omnipotence. With apologies to one of my favorite writers whose Systematic Theology book I cherish second only to the Bible, I don’t think holiness belongs in a list of God’s communicable attributes. I also don’t think holiness should be defined as perfect or sinless or pure. Why? Well, because that is not what the word means! Okay, so Webster’s Dictionary defines it as such, but Webster wasn’t Hebrew and didn’t write the Bible. So, what does it really mean?

The word holy is used roughly 600 times in the Old and New Testament. It stands to reason that the word has some significance. But, what significance does it hold? Thanks to my Bible professors, I can never study God’s Word without hearing a very loud and somewhat annoying voice yell CONTEXT in the recesses of my brain. To study every verse that uses the word holy would take up more space than I wish to use, but I want to look at a few ways in which it is used.

There are many ways holy is used in Scripture. They are used to describe holy people, a holy place, a holy city, holy ground, a holy God and a holy kiss just to name a few. If you ask most Christians what the word holy means, they will undoubtedly say it means perfect or sinless almost as if they were synonyms, but they aren’t. While a perfect people, a perfect place, a perfect God, a perfect city and a perfect kiss all sound okay they do not convey the same meaning as the former. Going a bit farther, sinless does not fit the bill either. A sinless city? A sinless kiss? Jerusalem certainly was the city of God, but sinless? And I suppose you can have a sinless kiss, but only if you are married, but sinless ground?

So, how do we define holiness? What exactly does it mean? Let me suggest to you that it is actually very simple. A straightforward definition of holy is sacred or consecrated. In the NIV there are a number of instances where the translators used holy to describe the process of sanctification – whereby God sets His children apart and consecrates them. That is exactly what holy means – sacred…set apart…consecrated. That is also exactly what the Bible is saying when we are admonished to BE holy. Be set apart. Be sanctified. Be consecrated. Be different.

Let me repeat something I said earlier. I do not believe holiness is an attribute of God. What I do believe though, is that holiness is the sum total of all God’s attributes. He is holy because He is perfect. He is holy because He is sinless. He is holy because He is pure, righteous, omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, etc. In a nutshell, God is holy because He is completely set apart from anything in all creation. There is nothing like Him.

In a similar way, God commands His people to be holy…to be different. In one sense, we are already holy. God has set us apart. He has sanctified us and purified us by the blood of Jesus Christ. He has called us and adopted us into His family. Jesus said as much in John 17:9; I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours. Jesus made a very clear distinction between His people and the world. He had set them apart from the rest of creation and made them holy.

In another sense, God wants His children to live holy lives, to live sanctified lives, to live lives that are set apart from the rest of the world. This does not presuppose that God expects perfect, sinless children. He knows better. In fact, He knows you and I will sin and fail more than we expect ourselves to sin and fail. What it does mean is that God wants us to be different. He wants us to be set apart. He wants us to continually become consecrated. Holiness is a process. It is step-by-step, second-by-second, moment by moment. As such, when we act in any way like God, we are being holy. When we choose to love instead of hate, we are holy. When we choose to tell the truth, we are holy. When we choose to be faithful to our spouse, we are holy. Our lives may be completely messed up in every other area, but when we choose to obey in one, we are holy. We are not completely holy in every aspect of our lives, but we are holy in that one given area where we choose obedience to God over obedience to our flesh.

So, what are the implications for ministry? How does this affect our churches – our youth programs – our families? First, a proper definition of holiness allows us to encourage the people God has entrusted in our care to live holy lives without setting an unattainable standard before them. If we define holiness as perfect and then admonish our less-than-perfect people to be holy, we strike fear – an unhealthy fear – into their hearts. This is unhealthy because perfect love casts out all fear. If God’s people are motivated by fear then they are no longer compelled by the one thing that will bring true results – the love of Christ.

Who among us can be perfect? Who among us can rise to the level of God’s perfection here in this life? When we teach this way, we do exactly the opposite of what we want – we discourage God’s people. When we set a goal that is impossible to achieve, we either get quitters or obsessive compulsive Christians. The quitters will walk away in disgust. The others will do everything they can to reach a goal that is unreachable and end up beating themselves up over their failures. If I take the best basketball player in my youth ministry and tell them to make 20 free throws in a row, they will probably accomplish that goal. If I raise the standard to 40, they still may get it done. But, if I tell them to make 10,000 shots without ever missing one, they will do one of three things. They will refuse to try, they will try, fail and then quit or they will spend every waking moment trying to reach the goal, becoming obsessed with something that is beyond their ability to accomplish and feeling like a complete failure every time they didn’t reach that goal.

Second, when we correctly define and apply holiness in our teaching, we give God’s people measurable, attainable goals to reach. Think about debt for a second (most of us don’t have to think too hard!). How do we get out of debt? What do the credit counselors and money people tell us? Do they suggest we pay the minimum payment on every credit card? Why not? Because we wouldn’t make any progress. What they tell us is to pay off one at a time. We don’t ignore the other bills because then we would be in trouble, but we focus the majority of our energy on one credit cart and pay it off. Then we move to another and then another. Pretty soon, we are almost out of debt and we start to realize the freedom that comes from being in that position and we will want that freedom in every area of our finances.

The same can be said about holiness. When we teach God’s people that holiness is perfection or sinlessness and then admonish them to be holy it’s like weighing them down with a load of credit card debt and telling them to pay it all off NOW! But, when we set measurable, reasonable goals before them and encourage them to meet those goals one at a time, they will soon begin to see that living holy lives is not an impossible task. When they begin to experience the freedom that comes from experiencing what it is like to be holy in a given aspect of their life, they will want more. When they get a taste of the freedom that comes from obeying God – even in its smallest degree – they will hunger for more.

I realize there are those who are reading this who have 1 Peter 1:16 loaded in their theological arsenal. It is true that God commands His people to be holy as He is holy. Nothing I have written thus far contradicts that statement for one simple reason. God is much more forgiving, gracious, realistic and reasonable with us than we with each other.

Jesus had some very harsh words for the religious leaders of His day. He condemned them for their hypocrisy, their greed and their hardened hearts. He also condemned them for the way in which they tied “up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders” (Matthew 23:4). I fear we do something similar though with less malicious intent, when we wrongly define holiness. We indeed load heavy loads on the backs of God’s people when we proclaim the need for holiness and allow those people to believe holiness equals perfection. We place shackles on their hands and feet instead of helping them realize and live the incredible freedom that comes from knowing and cherishing Christ.

I don’t want to be a pastor who places heavy loads on the backs of God’s people. I want to help free God’s people from the tyranny that comes through unjust regulations and rules. I want the students I teach to realize the amazing joy that comes from winning a single battle and then teach them to move onto the next one. I don’t want them to worry about the entire war. That has already been won and our General is much better at that than we are anyway.

The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor

I just finished deleting emails in my inbox. This task has become more and more of a struggle as the spam emails have increased. But, as I was moving 250 emails into my Junk Mail folder in the hopes that our new filter would learn and move them there itself, I was struck by some of the subject lines. Become a better you, The women won’t leave you alone, Be her superstar and a few more that I cannot repeat. Here is what struck me. I wouldn’t have to wade through this garbage if somebody wasn’t buying it. It’s a matter of supply and demand. Someone is paying for the pills or buying the creams in order to Increase their Manliness. As an aside, if you’re reading this and it’s you who’s doing it, STOP. Please, for the love of all that is decent, stop buying the stuff so my Inbox doesn’t get so full!

But, someone is buying these things. Why? What would possess someone to purchase enlargement medication that has not been declared safe by any drug agency this side of a shady ally in some far away country? Here’s why – perfection. Someone out there thinks having a larger penis is going to make them irresistible to the ladies. Someone out there believes the standard of perfection lies in their pants. The flip side is also true in female circles. Ladies everywhere are buying bust enhancement medication under the false belief that larger breasts will make them perfect. I guess the reasoning is if their breasts are perfect then they can land them the perfect man with the large, perfect penis. Who knows?

So, what does all this have to do with the perfect youth pastor? Well, when it comes to churches across the U.S. many have bought the pills. They have ridiculous ideas concerning what makes a perfect youth pastor. Many have extremely unrealistic expectations. The same insanity applies to the expectations for all pastors, but this is an article about youth pastors.

Before I start, I want to make it clear that these do not represent the leadership at my current church. The Lord has given me and my family a wonderful church in which to serve and one that values me and treats me with respect. With that said though, I have known and even served in churches that were looking for the stereotypical traits they believed made a perfect youth pastor. Below are just a few.

Myth #1

The perfect youth pastor must be between 22 and 35 years old in order to relate to youth.

I have two friends who were “let go” from a church in which they had collectively served for over 20 years. Coincidentally, they were both about the same age when the leadership of their church found a reason to “ask” for their resignations. Some investigation revealed that the leadership of said church had bought into the erroneous belief that good youth pastors can’t relate well to youth if they are over 35. These two guys were loved by their students and very effective at what they were doing, but that didn’t matter to the men who supposedly knew better.

Sadly, this happens in many churches. The leadership comes to the conclusion that a youth pastor must be as close to the age of the youth as possible in order to be effective. They use the logic that students need someone with whom they can relate and only young youth pastors have that ability. This is ridiculous and can be damaging on many levels. It is also illogical.

No one would even begin to suggest that the Children’s Pastor be close to the age of the children. If that were the case, we’d be hiring 16-year-olds to run our children’s ministries. But, when it comes to student ministry or even college-age ministry, this standard seems perfectly acceptable.

Why? Simply put, those who hold this view don’t know what makes someone an effective pastor to begin with. What makes an effective pastor is someone who loves God and loves people. They enter the world of the people in their church. They go out to lunch with them. They spend time with them and their families. They call them. They know them. What makes and effective youth pastor is someone who is willing to enter into the world of teens. We hang out with them. We have MySpace and Facebook accounts (sometimes). We go to their schools. We attend their football games. We hang out with them and play Xbox. We find ways to show them we are interested in them. We call them and we know them.

Students are no different than most adults. They want a pastor who shows interest in them. They want a pastor who at least makes an attempt to understand them. They want someone who loves them and knows them. When we do that, we earn the right to speak truth into their lives.

It doesn’t matter if a youth pastor is 20 or 50. If they are willing to do the hard work of building relationships then they can be an effective youth pastor. If we are unwilling to do that, we will be ineffective no matter what our age.

Myth #2

The perfect youth pastor must be a dynamic, entertaining speaker

As a pastor, the ability to speak well is a plus, but it is not a requirement. I’ve sat under some very good speakers. They connected with their audience. They kept their audience interested. But, when the message was over, they hid away in their office and made no attempt to connect with people on a personal level. When someone was hurting, they dismissed their hurt. When someone needed counsel, they shared it, but with little sympathy or empathy. They never sat still long enough to have a meaningful conversation with the people they were supposedly leading and as a result, they were not very effective shepherds.

I’ve also sat under some pretty average speakers. They didn’t connect well. They had a hard time communicating their message. But, they were loved by the people they taught. Why? Because they had compassion. They were genuinely interested in people and what was going on in their lives. Consequently, when they gave an average sermon, people listened because they knew they were loved. The Shepherd knows his sheep and those who are called to shepherd the Shepherd’s sheep don’t need to be the most dynamic, entertaining speaker in order to lead those sheep. They need to know them.

A good youth pastor doesn’t have to be an amazing speaker. They don’t have to be a captivating, dynamic, funny communicator. They do have to be able to communicate in some form or another, but the hour or so they teach each week is not nearly as important as the time they spend throughout the rest of the week making phone calls, eating lunch, hanging out and simply showing interest in their students. When we do that, we earn their trust and they will be much more willing to listen to an average lesson from us because they know they are loved.

Myth #3

The perfect youth pastor relates well with every student.

Over the last 14 years I have heard many complaints from parents about their teen’s youth pastor. One of the most unfair is “my child doesn’t get much from the youth ministry. The youth pastor doesn’t connect well with him/her.”

While that may be a valid complaint, the subsequent solution is not as valid. The solution usually involves complaining to the lead pastor or a select few other parents who then come to the conclusion that the church needs a new youth pastor simply because he does not relate well to a small number of students.

I’ve been on this earth for 37 years. Over that time I have come to realize one thing; I will never please everyone. As likeable as I think I am, not everyone will like me. As funny as I think I am, not everyone will laugh at my jokes. Not everyone will like the way I teach. Unfortunately though, I have discovered that there are many people who expect me to relate well with every human being between the ages of 11 and 19. I once had an adult from another church tell me they needed a youth pastor like me. They had heard me speak and came to the insane conclusion that every student in the room adored me. I suppose they then reasoned that I must be able to connect with every student. I still laugh when I think of that conversation because I can point to dozens of students over the years that I had absolutely no connection with whatsoever. No matter how hard I tried, they did not respond to me.

Youth pastors do not possess a supernatural ability to connect with every teenager. In fact, I frequently tell parents not to expect me to fix their child…I may make things worse!

One thing we have working against us is that many of our students have no choice about where they go to church. Their parents can pick and choose a church based on their personal preferences and whether or not they like the pastor. If they don’t connect with the pastor, they most likely find a new church to attend. Their children don’t have that same luxury for the most part. They go to church where their parents go which means they are “stuck” with a youth pastor they may not relate with well.

Church leaders would be wise to remember this the next time they hear complaints from a small few about their youth pastor’s ability to relate. They would be wise to view the ministry as a whole and see how well their youth pastor relates to the majority of teens.

Myth #4

The perfect youth pastor is married and his wife is actively involved in the youth ministry.

I was a single youth pastor for the first six years. I had it good. When I began looking for a full-time position in which to serve, I was amazed at how many churches required that their youth pastor be married. I asked a few of those churches to give me their rationale for that requirement and none of them made any sense to me. Below are three of those rationales and a little commentary to let you know what I think:

1. A married youth pastor will be less likely to get involved with a student.

WHAT? How many married pastors have had affairs? How many married pastors have gotten emotionally involved with a member of their church or youth ministry? The sad truth is many have gone down this road and it had nothing to do with their marital status and everything to do with the condition of their heart and their commitment to remaining above reproach.

Whether married or single, a good youth pastor will have safeguards in place to guard his heart. He will be accountable. He will have a desire to live a holy life. Marriage does not cure one of lust or wandering eyes.

2. A married youth pastor will be less likely to be involved in porn.

Ha ha! See above.

3. A married youth pastor’s wife will be able to help him with the youth group.

Like I said, I was single for the first six years as a youth pastor. During that time I only had to deal with the expectations placed on me. Those expectations were sometimes unfair and difficult to deal with, but they were nothing compared with the expectations some people place on the wives of youth pastors.

My wife is one of the godliest women I know. She deeply loves Jesus and deeply loves people. But, when we got married, she had no interest in working with teens. I was fine with that, but some leaders in the church were not and they hurt her with some of their expectations and the way they verbalized them.

A youth pastor’s wife does not have to love working with teens. She should be supportive of his ministry and encourage him in his calling, but she doesn’t have to be called to it as well.

Myth #5

The perfect youth pastor must be “cool” in order to relate well to teens.

This is closely tied with Myth #1, but the older I get, the more uncool I become. That was a hard truth to grasp, but it is truth. When I was 20, I was still kind of cool. Now that I am nearing 40, my coolness has diminished considerably. I can try to look cool. I can dress like my students, but the older I get the creepier that looks.

A good youth pastor doesn’t have to be cool. He doesn’t have to listen to the newest music, have all the up-to-date clothes or watch the same movies. All he needs to do is love his students and coolness has nothing to do with performing that task.

I have a few others, but that should be a good starting point. Feel free to add your own to the list.

The Eternality of Motherhood

I confess I never gave much thought to being a mom. You see, I’m a guy and guys don’t typically spend a whole lot of time contemplating motherhood. That has changed somewhat over the last six years as I have watched my wife love our children. She has sacrificed more than I know. While I have been free to pursue the calling on my life as a pastor, my wife has sacrificed her career and much of her free time to pursue an altogether different calling.

Every husband knows the look. We come home from a long day at work. We walk through the door and the children rush to greet us, smiling and celebrating at our triumphant return. But, while we have been out on our own our wives have been cooped up with the kids the entire day. The rain outside has kept her and the children inside all day. An endless cycle of sippy cups, diaper changes, potty time, fights, arguments and whining have consumed every ounce of energy she has. The smile with which she saw her husband off in the morning has changed into something altogether different. Every husband and father knows this look. Selfishly, we want the smile to be there when we return, but this desire is unrealistic and shows that we don’t have a clue.

Having several children under the age of six in the house can bring some amazing moments. Watching them learn how to walk and talk to celebrating dry sheets in the morning may seem mundane to some, but they bring real joy to the heart of a parent. There is one problem though. Those moments of joy are typically surrounded by hours of monotonous, seemingly trivial things as well as moments of heartache and frustration. Moms are usually at the center of that whirlwind and the dreary routine of dishes and diapers seems to go unnoticed by everyone.

Moms are told that what they do is the most important job on the planet. But, that statement can seem patronizing especially when followed with the inevitable “do you work?” question. I have discovered that this is one of the dumbest questions on the face of the planet and betrays a serious lack of understanding. Not only is it an ignorant question, but it can also be a very damaging one as well. I no longer ask that question because I already know the answer and the last thing I want to do is cause a mom to doubt the importance of her work.

The Bible has many references to mothers. They teach their children. They nurture their children. They protect their children. Jesus used the analogy of a mother hen to describe his compassion for the people of Israel. Paul spoke of his gentleness among the Thessalonians, “like a mother caring for her children.” Timothy was instructed by his mother and grandmother. The mother of Jesus was among the few who stayed by his side during the beatings and crucifixion. Moms played a significant role throughout the Bible.

But, there is one passage that, while not explicitly speaking of mothers, gives us insight into the fruits of their faithful love for their children. Psalm 112 speaks of the “righteous man”. While I do not want to inject my own words into the word of God, I think we can safely assume that the righteous man in that passage can also be a woman. While men have a significant role to play in the life of children, moms carry the majority of the responsibility of setting a daily example for them.

In that passage the Psalmist writes that the righteous man will be remembered forever and his righteousness will endure forever. I can think of no better description for that truth than how the children of the righteous woman will, according to Proverbs 31, “rise up and call her blessed.”

As a pastor, the things I do get noticed quite frequently. When a sermon goes well I get handshakes. When someone places their faith in Christ, I sadly get praised. When I visit someone in the hospital I get thanked. When a church event I helped organize goes off without a hitch, I get congratulations. A prayer said in a funeral service is sometimes met with gratitude and thanks. All of these things bring me recognition. Most of the time I do not seek that recognition (I’d be lying if I said all of the time), but I receive it nonetheless.

On the other hand, my wife does not get the same amount of recognition for her righteous acts. When I am away at a breakfast meeting, the righteous act of waking up and feeding our children alone goes unnoticed by almost all. While I am in a meeting or at a youth event, the righteous act of putting our children to bed alone receives little recognition. Kissing their boo boos receives no handshake. Changing their diapers earns no praise. There is no applause for cooking their meals. No one thanks her when she plays Chutes and Ladders. After bedtime devotions, no one greets her at the door and tells her how great the lesson was. The silent prayers said at our children’s bedside get heard by no one except God.

From God’s perspective, I believe all of these things are supreme acts of righteousness and they will not be forgotten. They will not be forgotten by him and they will last forever in our children, their children and their children’s children.

Our children may not remember who won the board game, but they will remember the mom who played it with them and when they have a choice between watching television or playing with their own children, they will probably choose the latter.

The Children’s Bible from which she reads at night will probably be forgotten, but the lesson of daily time with God will be remembered.

The boo boo will fade and heal, but the compassion and love will not disappear. The faithfulness and devotion of moms will last forever and their children will rise up and call them blessed.

The crazy thing is most of what I do which is recognized is only possible because of what she does which is not. But, God sees it and he never forgets. Our children see it and they will not forget either.

My son and daughter will hopefully be a godly man and woman one day, but that will only happen by the grace of God and through the example of their mom. As dad, I certainly carry the responsibility of leading my family and being a godly example, but God has called my wife to carry the majority of the day-to-day load.

It is a responsibility she does not and should not take lightly. It is a calling that is worthwhile and vital. What she does is righteous and it will last forever.