Even More Things I Never Want to Hear Again

I’m going to take a brief detour into other areas right now.  Some are church-related and some are not.  Mostly, this is just a vent.  Enjoy (if you can:)!

1. President Obama is not a citizen or President Obama is  Hitler or the Antichrist or any combination of the three.  Okay people (especially Christians), stop with the nonsense.  You sound as foolish as those who claim that President Bush planned the 9/11 attacks.  President Obama is our president.  Get over it.  Do the Biblical thing and submit to governing authorities.  Pray for them.  Do you realize that at the time the Apostle Paul wrote Romans 13 (the chapter that tells us to submit to our leaders), ROME was in charge – one of the cruelest, most ungodly and anti-Christian empires in the world?  Our current crop of elected leaders have nothing on Caesar.

2. Another Christian tell me I am a citizen of the world.  Um, no I’m not.  I’m a foreigner and an alien.  I am an ambassador of Christ in this world.

3. Another person who hasn’t read a Bible in 25 years (Christian or otherwise) tell me Jesus was a socialist.  Jesus wasn’t a socialist.  He was a Biblicist.  He taught that we should personally care for one another, not expect the government to do the caring for us.  For those who like this one, what are you doing?  If you did your job, the government wouldn’t feel compelled to do it for you.

4. Another person saying “poor people are poor by choice”.  Yeah, true, there are some people who choose, either by action or inaction, to live in poverty, but for the love of all things holy, stop painting all poor people with such a broad brush.  Stop using stereotypes to excuse your inaction.

5. One more Christian leader say poverty is a result of personal sin.  Yeah, I guess the 16,000 children who died of hunger yesterday were sinful to the core and deserved everything they had coming to them.  If only they had more faith then their distended bellies would have been full.  You know what is sinful?  You teaching people to go out and buy expensive cars and houses when they can’t afford them while 16,000 children starve each day.

6.  A government leader tell me what Jesus would do.  Look, don’t tell me Jesus would vote for cap and trade, universal health care, war in Iraq or tax breaks for small businesses.  Stop using the name of Christ to push your agenda.

7. Someone using the term “baby killer” in reference to those in the military. That’s a great way to win support for your position.  Use  nasty names to describe people who volunteered to protect you and I.  Yeah, I’m ready to join your cause.

8. A Christian using the term “baby killer” in reference to someone who has had an abortion.   That’s a great way to love people.  Maybe we should address you as “liar” or “adulterer” from now on?  After all, I’m sure you lied once or twice in your life and committed adultery as well (remember, Jesus said if we lust in our HEARTS, we have committed adultery).  Jesus died for you when you were those things and more and he died for the woman who has had an abortion as well.

9. Another actor telling me what candidate I should support. So you once had a television role as a senator or president and that makes you an expert on politics?  I once made a pillow in home economics.  We need to discuss your wardrobe.

10. Another sport’s figure telling me what candidate I should support.  You went right from High School to the NBA or you left college as a Sophomore to sign with the NFL or MLB.  What the heck makes you qualified to tell me who I should support?  You have an opinion?  Great.  You have money?  Awesome.  Those things qualify you as a political analyst?  Not so much.  I have a football and a pair of cleats.  We should get together and talk about your play execution.

10 More Things I Never Want to Hear Again

1. “Um, Pastor Brian, I know our Mission Trip is tomorrow and you’ve been planning it for over six months, but I just found out I have to be at __________ Camp and I can’t miss it.  Can I have a refund?”

2. “The Server is down.”

3. “Jesus is my homeboy.”

4. “Good Christians would never ________________ (fill in the blank).”

5. “Pastor Brian…we were throwing the football in the youth room and accidentally hit the video projector.”

6. “The elders want to know why you were doing doughnuts in the new church van after the last snow storm.”

7. “Why did you teach the senior high about purity?  I wanted to be the one to talk to my (16-year-old)  about that.”

8. “I think making the student leadership team memorize Bible verses is too strict.  They already have enough to do.”

9. “You don’t know me, and my son has never been to your youth group, but do you think you could call him?  He just got arrested for selling prescription drugs and I think you could help him.”

10. “I don’t want to come to youth group because ‘you-know-who’ is there.”

10 Things I Never Want to Hear Again

1. I never want to hear another complaint about inconsiderate teens who don’t pay attention, use their cell phones too much and are too concerned about sex by adults who fall asleep five minutes into a sermon, have to be reminded 10 times to turn their cell phones off (and still have them ringing during the service) and have been divorced 3 times because they cheated on their spouses.

2.  I never want to hear one more complaint about the “cliques” in our youth group by adults who sit in the same seat, shake the same hands and talk to the same people every Sunday.

3. I never want to hear another comment about my mission trip being a “vacation”.

4. I never want to hear another worship song with lyrics that make no sense because the writer was trying to sound more spiritual than they are.

5. I never want to hear “incarnate the love of Jesus” by people who say it only to sound post-modern and “relevant”.

6. I never want to hear “relevant” again.

7. I never want to hear “I Could Sing of your Love Forever” again because we’re still singing it from the last time.

8. I never want to hear “if you love Jesus you’ll…”.  I do love Jesus and since I love him, I’m going to ignore your attempt at manipulating me into supporting your cause, ministry or chain email.

9. I never want to hear “hey, this would be a great event for the youth, but I can’t help lead it”.  If it’s such a great event, then you must be the perfect person to plan it, organize it, make the phone calls, send the emails, collect the money, buy the tickets, rent the vans, find drivers for the vans, make reminder phone calls, send reminder emails and then show up for the event only to discover that half of those who signed up didn’t show up and then call you to request a refund.

10. I never want to hear another person complain that the youth pastor isn’t doing enough about the growing teen “dropout rate” in church.  Divorce rates are growing too.  Could they be related?

10 Things I Never Want to See Again

1. Another youth group name, book or curriculum that starts with Xtreme. Liquid, Jolt, etc.

2. Another book about postmodern anything.

3. Another song with lyrics like “this generation seeks you” or the like.

4. One more 5 dollar pencil, bookmark or breath mint with “Jesus” stamped on the side.

5. Another allusion to making war or rioting for Jesus.

6.  Another Christmas CD by an artist whose secular career is in the crapper and realizes that Christians are suckers for once-famous people who appear to have had a life-changing experience when in reality, the only life-changing experience they’ve had is realizing they can make some money off of gullible Christians looking for someone “cool” to validate their faith.

7. Another speaker who says, “I didn’t prepare anything because I just want to let the spirit lead”.

8. Another youth retreat where the speaker does 14 alter calls because no one responds to the first five and he needs to feel good about himself by getting someone…ANYONE up on the stage to make it look like his message was effective.

9. Another Christian music festival.

10. Another lesson, curriculum or book designed to make student feel guilty for not being “green”.

Top 10 Misconceptions about Student Ministry #2

Student Ministries must be fun and entertaining because students have a short attention span and need lots of stimulus in order to keep them engaged.

I was surfing the net the other day and came across an AMAZING youth building.  I won’t tell you where it was or what it was called, but suffice it to say, it was incredible.  Indoor basketball courts.  Giant video game arcade.  Coffee Shop/snack bar.  Giant meeting room with multiple video screens.  Rockin’ youth worship band.  It had it all.

As I alternated between looking at the pictures and confessing my sins of envy, I had several thoughts.  What if I had all those things?  What could I do with them?  What would I do with them?  Would my students be stronger in their faith?  Would they be better evangelists because they had a really cool basketball court?  Would they love mercy more, do justice more or walk more humbly with God because they could play all the latest arcade games?  I don’t think so.

After a little introspection, I asked myself two more questions.  Do we need those things to be more effective at student ministry?  Do I need any of those things to be a more effective student ministry pastor?  I don’t think so.

Now, I completely get the idea of being relevant and contextualizing the gospel in order to minister to a culture, but I don’t think we need the bells and whistles in order to accomplish that goal.  We already live in a very self-centered nation and when we leverage that self-centeredness in order to attract a larger crowd, the monster only gets bigger.

Student Ministry pastors and leaders are really good at a lot of things.  But, one thing we are especially adept at doing is using spiritual language to justify spending lots of money just to entertain students.  The end product is sometimes worse than the beginning.  Instead of having bored teens who are apathetic about their faith we have teens who have lots more options (but still complain about not having anything to do), who are still apathetic about their faith.

I’ll leave it at that.  I’d like to generate some discussion here, so if you have a comment please contribute.

Top 10 Misconceptions about Student Ministry #1

1. Student Ministry is ONLY about Students

My church is really close to an area where a yearly Christian Music Festival is held each year. It’s a big deal to many people, but not to me. I went once and hated every second. My friend’s band was playing on one of the stages and I got in free (that’s the only way I would go). Suffice it to say, I didn’t see the big deal. The merchandise tent was overflowing with overpriced t-shirts, wallets, key chains, hats and many other things I think Jesus would have thrown out of the Temple. The performers were okay, but the chants, screams and teenagers crowding the bottom of the stage looked more like Idol worship than actual worship. The speakers were good, but I didn’t see many people under the age of 25 listening to them.

Over the last 15 years, each year a parent asks me if I am going to take the students to this festival. When I say no I am usually greeted with a litany of reasons I should. It’s an amazing experience…It really helps the kids get closer to each other…It really helps the kids get closer to God…the speakers really challenge the kids…and on and on and on. I usually tell these parents that since the festival is so amazing, it would be a good experience for them to take their children. Some do exactly that, but some, like a mom a few months back, try to make me feel guilty and say something to the effect of, “well, I loved this festival when I was a kid and I just thought MY church would want MY child to have the same experience.” Forgetting for a moment that this mom rarely showed up at HER church, her statement was ridiculous in and of itself.

I don’t want to slam festivals here. I’m sure they do have value, but I just don’t see it and that’s my perception. There is a broader point to be made here though. The point is, this yearly conversation I have with parents is a symptom of a larger issue, namely, that student ministry should be all about the students. Student Ministry is supposed to teach and train students and churches need to sponsor events which get the students away from their parents so they can learn and grow.  That could not be further from the biblical truth.

A paradigm shift is needed in the minds of many outside Student Ministry. It isn’t really needed in many student ministries because most youth leaders get this concept. Student Ministry needs to be about the family. God did not give the responsibility for raising these children to the Student Ministry. He gave those children and the accompanying responsibility for raising them, to moms and dads. Student Ministries exist as a resource to parents, not a replacement. They exist to help students and their parents understand what God desires for them and the one thing God desires in the family more than anything is for moms and dads to step up and be parents, not to push that responsibility off onto someone else.

So, a little evaluation is in order. As youth leaders, we need to evaluate our ministries.
• Are we helping parents?
• Are we scheduling a crap-load of activities, separating parents and their children, fostering this misconception?
• Do we communicate regularly with parents?
• When a student has a complaint about their parents, do we automatically side with the student or do we give their parents the benefit of the doubt?
• How can we help parents be better at what they need to do?

Parents, a bit of evaluation is in order for you as well.
• What do you expect of your church’s student ministry?
• Do you, in any way, abdicate your responsibility as a parent to that ministry?
• How can your Student Ministry help you be a better parent?

New Series

I had a lot of fun writing the Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor Series. It isn’t done I’m sure, but right now, I’m out of ideas. Thanks to all who commented, sent emails and talked to me on the phone.

I’m starting a new series. This one is called Top 10 Misconceptions about Student Ministry. It may resemble the Myths series in some regard, but I’m taking a macro look at things in this one. Hope you enjoy.

Download The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor (updated 4/16/09)

I have had many requests to have The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor series available for download.  I have tried to keep uodated PDF files for anyone who desires to do so.

Here is the latest updated PDF.

The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor PDF

If you like it, pass it on.  Give people the link or just email the file t o them.  I would ask one thing though…if any of you use this for any reason, I would love to know what it was used for and what the reaction was.  Thanks!

The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor by Brian Hennon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Based on a work at pbdh.wordpress.com.

The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor #23

Myth #23

The Perfect Youth Pastor will be a Singer, Guitar Player, Comedian, Dynamic Speaker and Technology Wizard.

I have been around student ministry for a long time and I have met some amazing youth pastors. They continually astound me with their gifts and talents. We were at a youth retreat a number of years back and the speaker was absolutely incredible. Every time he spoke, he did so for at least an hour to a middle school audience and had them captivated the entire time. He used hilarious video clips and had even created some himself.

At the end of the retreat, he broke out his guitar. He asked the group to shout out names of people at the retreat and things that had happened. Then he proceeded to make up a very entertaining song intertwining lessons we had learned, names of students and fun things they did during the weekend.

I was in awe and I was feeling quite inadequate about my own abilities. As if the self-inflicted wound to my pride was not bad enough, I had to endure a four-hour van ride with 15 middle school students who talked about this speaker the entire way home. My insecurities were on overload.

This was a long time ago, but the memories are still pretty fresh. I remember spending the next few months trying to be like him. I tried to emulate this speaker’s style. I tried to emulate his humor. I even tried to co-opt some of his personal stories and make them my own. In short, I tried to be someone I am not. In the process, I dishonored God and lied to my students.

I learned some really important lessons through that experience. First, I learned one of the tricks to the trade – that many retreat speakers typically have about five messages they recycle over and over. It is no wonder they are good at them – they have a lot of practice!  That, however, is beside the point.

Second, I learned that God wants me to be authentic. He wants me to be honest. He wants me to use my story and how he has worked in my life, not someone else’s.

He wants me to use my experiences and how he has shaped me through them. He wants me to be myself. He has given me certain gifts and abilities and they are no less important than the retreat speaker’s gifts and abilities.

I have been created in Christ Jesus to do good works, works he has prepared me to do. If he has prepared them for me, then he has equipped me to do them. I do a great disservice to that plan when I try to use someone else’s gifts to accomplish what I think is the plan.

Finally, I learned that I have been called to do what I am doing just like the retreat speaker has been. God called me in spite of the fact that I cannot play the guitar, do not have a goatee, have no real discernible skills with technology and do not have the ability to captivate an audience for hours on end.

Why did he call me? Your guess is as good as mine, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with his ability to work through my weaknesses and not a whole lot to do with my abilities.

The Myth of the Perfect Youth Pastor #22

Myth #22

The Perfect Youth Pastor expects everyone in the church to compromise to suit the tastes of students.

I was pretty hard on churches in Myth #12.   Many churches expect students to appreciate the way they do things, but are not willing to change themselves. Many church members expect their youth pastor to teach students the art of compromise while refusing to change. It is a common problem.

Equally common though are the youth pastors who try to force change upon a congregation, but refuse to expect any from the students they teach. We complain about those “old people” who are stuck in their ways. We complain that our church needs to update the music and become “relevant”. The music is too outdated and the service is too boring. So, we hide in the youth room and make fun of all those stodgy old folks.

I fear in our quest to make church more relevant to teens and younger believers, we alienate some very godly people. We forget that relevance is relative. What is irrelevant to one believer is relevant and quite meaningful to another. A 19^th Century hymn may not inspire a 19-year-old, but 19-year-olds are not the only people God desires to encourage and challenge.

In our drive to make church hip, cool, entertaining or a host of other adjectives, we have unwittingly communicated something very damaging to the students we teach. We have taught them that everyone else must bend and change to suit their tastes. Instead of teaching our students to bear with one another, we have communicated a very selfish and self-centered message.

I cannot imagine what some of these students will be like 50 years from now. They will be the “old people” one day and will have grown up expecting every church they attend will bend over backwards to make them happy. I already feel bad for the pastors and youth at those churches.

Perhaps instead of demanding our way, we can start to teach our teens to appreciate different methods and styles of worship? I know it sounds crazy, but I think it is biblical. It also may be a whole lot more effective at winning others over and encouraging them to be more open to change.